I stopped writing music for almost a year.
I allowed voices of doubt to get inside of my head. However, they were not just voices in my head. They were audible voices, coming from people I respected, from people who were widely respected.
I was, at first, resolved to keep going. But as I sat and tried to write lyrics, I scrapped song after song, never finishing anything that I started. I started to skirt around the issue. I just sang other people’s songs. I was deeply shaken.
I stopped worshiping. Not personally. I just stopped leading other people in worship. I stopped singing on a stage. That fact was not from voices of doubt, but rather, God’s voice. He had commanded me to rest, He had told me to take a break from a ministry which was displayed in front of many. I was at first glad for the break.
However, along with God’s voice came the voice of the Enemy. The voice of the Satan often comes through other people, and this instance was no exception. Some people said my worship was not sincere. They said that, despite years on my knees giving my all to Jesus, it wasn’t enough. Giving my everything wasn’t enough. The worst thing was that no one defended me. Those I trusted told me I had always been sincere, but they were not bold enough to stand up for me in the face of opposition.
As a result, at the same time that I stepped away from the stage by the voice of God’s calling, the voice of the Enemy was telling me it was because my gifts to God were no longer good enough. My best was no longer accepted. I was broken. My songs were broken. My talent was broken. I believed that my offerings to God were unacceptable.
However, it was not long before I remembered some promises:
- All that God wants from me is my best, nothing more, nothing less
- The value of my offerings to God do not depend on the opinions of others
- God’s plans are perfect
Over the last six years, I have been giving life all that I have. Most importantly, I have given God all that I have. After all, isn’t that the definition of being a follower of Christ? Giving every part of one’s life to God? God doesn’t want anything but us, no matter what state we may be in.
We may be broken. We may be untalented or unintelligent, but he wants us nonetheless.
“But God demonstrates His own love toward us, in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us.”
Additionally, the value of my offerings to God were never dependent on worldly monetary standards. Just as a child’s scribbles are a work of art to his parents, my best efforts are what God treasures.
“Each of you should use whatever gift you have received to serve others, as faithful stewards of God’s grace in its various forms.”
I can also be confident in the fact that God’s plans for me are perfect. Just because He asked me to take a break from one of my passions does not mean that He doesn’t find my talents acceptable. When Jesus asked me to rest, it didn’t mean that I am not good enough at what it is I do in His name. After all, God’s plans are perfect, but we often have no idea what He is doing. I guess that’s what makes life so exciting in its unpredictability!
“For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.”
As for now, I’m worshiping on stage again and writing music. I’m actually working on an album. I write not because I’m trying to please other people. I don’t even write to please myself. I write to please God, because I know that He loves to see me using my talents for His glory. Through this time of rest from preforming and leading worship, I have been reminded of what really matters to God.
It’s not how many people hear my music. It’s not about how many people like my music. It’s not even about how many people my music helps. It’s about doing my best in all things for the glory of God.
“Therefore, whether you eat or drink, or whatever you do, do all to the glory of God.”