I have been single for the last 21 years. I’ve never been on a date. I’ve never kissed. I’ve certainly never had sex. What a loser. Funny, I don’t feel like a loser. I’m more content than a toad in a princess’ castle.
Single people tend to shout their independence from the rooftops. How they hate all men or all women. How they don’t need anyone else. They make known their “happiness” over social media and to their friends. I know their deepest, darkest secret: they’re not really happy.
Yep, I see the real picture. No one posts that many sappy memes if they truly value themselves. Stop it. If memes can’t make people happy, they’re not happy.
Here are three ways to find satisfaction in singleness:
1. Find Identity and Purpose
Throughout high school, my friends resolved I was an “unmatchable.” I didn’t have much interest in boys. That’s an understatement. I had no interest in boys, despite most of my friends being boys.
I never dated because I knew it wasn’t in God’s timing. I knew I wasn’t ready for a relationship. I was content and at peace with my life with God.
It’s important to realize what it means to be “ready” for a relationship. Readiness doesn’t consist of a certain age or “maturity” level. Readiness doesn’t imply a desperate and unquenchable longing for a mate. The later indicating a major LACK of readiness. Desperation is less attractive than the stench of a boys’ locker room.
Young people need to know themselves before they know can who they are with someone else. Identity is found in God, through knowledge of His will and purpose for our lives
You need to know who you are in God’s eyes before you can know who are with someone else.
Knowing oneself takes time. For most, it’s still taking time, especially when people strive for “inner purpose” and “self-love” to fulfill the craving for self-acceptance. That’s not how to find identity.
A truly healthy self-image is learning how God sees us. Loved. Treasured. Worth dying. Beloved. Blessed. Unworthy of such entities. A sinner. But loved nonetheless.
Once we know our identity, there’s a second step: knowing God’s purpose for our lives. Neglecting to seek God’s path for ourselves is like having a destination (glorifying God) but not knowing how to get there (the map of purpose). This individual responsibility is found in prayer, fasting, and meditation on God’s word.
If you need another person to nurse your insecurities and make you feel good about yourself, you are not ready for romance.
2. Recognize Life Isn’t About Romance
Life is about so much more than an end goal of finding“the one.” The world pushes romantic relationships like they’re the cure for death. We grew up watching Disney movies, and the Little Mermaid got married when she was 16 . . . 16. Let that sink into your brain noodles.
Marriage should never be an end goal, it’s just the beginning of a new map. Even after the “I do’s” we still have to live with ourselves, apply our skills, and figure out life. Only now, we have another person as a distraction. Sounds harsh, but #RealLife.
I’m not saying people must have their lives completely together before participating in a relationship. Merely, relationships can’t bring ultimate fulfillment. All the chocolate hearts in the world can’t replace God’s place in our lives. Though chocolate is wonderful. Give me.
Being single provides ample time to work on being selfless. Relationships are all about compromise, the other person, and God. Many people use relationships to supply their own needs. They want a best friend, a companion, someone to take care of them, and someone to gratify their sexual desires. Such entities aren’t evil, but they’re also not the purpose of a relationship.
Marriage is meant to unite two people for God’s glorification, in a better way then they could glorify God while single.
3. Preparing for a Relationship Through Selflessness
A Godly relationship rotates around Christ. He is the Son in the middle of a romantic universe. Couples should strive to serve and please one another, with the end goal of God’s glorification.
Learning this extent of selflessness takes time. A lot of time. Time which should not be spent only after marriage. As a single person, it’s imperative to serve family, friends, and strangers, glorifying God and learning to put personal needs second. Learning to love a stranger who doesn’t reciprocate the “feeling” the best way to learn how to love someone who wants to return the love.
The moral here is simple: living a fulfilling life is based on pursuing God’s definition of identity, purpose, and glorification. A person can find immense contentment in knowing themselves, their passions, and their life purpose, and using that knowledge to help others. Only then will a person be ready for a relationship. Only then will that relationship succeed.