I spend a lot of time answering questions on Yahoo Answers and other discussion sites. I often find a theme coming concerning young women in the dating scene. These questions usually start with, “My boyfriend is doing ____. Is that okay? Most often my answer is: “No, that is not okay.”
Many women seem to have lost sight of their value and what kind of respect they should expect in a relationship. We can’t have that, can we? Here are 7 ways to tell if your boyfriend doesn’t love you.
1. He talks to Other Girls
It’s surprising how much of a “no biggy” some women seem to think this is in a relationship. When scrolling through videos on Facebook, I find many “funny” videos of guys trying to cover up their cheating. It almost goes without saying that these videos are not comical . . . but they keep being made, so it needs to be said. These videos devalue the sacred nature of a relationship and force couples to believe that cheating and hiding things is normal.
It completely acceptable for your boyfriend/fiance/husband to greet another woman or have a conversation with her. However, it is unacceptable for him to be texting or messaging her in a frequent manner. Your man should also keep far from following woman on Instagram who have a reputation for posting risque photos or sexualized posts. Your partner SHOULD NOT be liking sexy photos or following/friending a woman who is known for posting scandalous things.
2. He Insults You
A good man, a man who really loves and respects you, will not count your opinions or beliefs as inferior to his own. This is perhaps one of the biggest issues I see in modern dating relationships or even marriages. A man should never:
- Call you stupid; ignore you when you give your opinion
- Call you ugly; says that you’r not as pretty as other girls or that you “don’t try hard enough”
- Doesn’t encourage you to be your best
- Doesn’t care about your passions
I am not saying that your man needs to lay aside all of his aspirations and hard work to bend to your every whim. However, your partner should value your opinions and beliefs, listening attentively and giving your thoughts consideration when making individual or collaborative decisions.
Another way a man can insult you is by his reluctance to wait. Statistically speaking, couples who wait until their wedding night to have intercourse will be more likely to have lasting marriages than those who do not wait. If a man isn’t willing to wait for you, he is insulting your integrity and doesn’t respect you.
4. He Doesn’t Trust You
A man should always trust his woman, and she should give him reason for trust. If a woman has not done anything to betray trust or incriminate herself, there is no need for her man to be constantly checking her phone, her social media, rummaging through her drawers, or confronting her about “other men.”
Insecure and paranoid men tend to become controlling over their wives/girlfriends/fiances, demanding exact plans for a lady’s night out or needing to approve his woman’s outfit each day. Control should never be confused with protection. It is a man’s duty to make sure that his wife is safe and taken care of. However, it is merely the mark of a weak and unstable man if he tries to control minuscule details of his woman’s life.
5. He Doesn’t Prioritize You
A man who truly loves his woman will continually set aside time from his life to spend with jer. Your man should not push you off with excuses such as “The game is on,” “It’s my night with the boys,” or “I am too busy.” If your man truly loves you, he will make time for you. This doesn’t mean your boyfriend/fiance/husband needs to spend every waking hour with you. Neither does it mean that you restrict him from spending time with his friends. It merely means that you should be the #1 priority in his life (besides God of course.)
Another way that your man should prioritize you is by working hard. Too many times I see boyfriends or husbands slacking when it comes to providing income. They may only work part-time or settle for a mediocre job when they could attain so much more. A quality man will work hard to take care of the thing which is most important in his life: you.
Prioritizing you also extends into joint decision making. If your man cares more about what his mother says than what you say, you have a “Momma’s boy” on your hands. Abort mission! Abort mission!
6. He Doesn’t Protect You
Protection has as much to do with the emotional as it does the physical. This would mean that your man walks on the side of the sidewalk nearest to the street when he is with you. He should always walk you to your car. In my opinion, he should own and know how to shoot a firearm. He should be protective of you and jealous when other men try and flirt or interfere with your relationship. However, there is another form of protection that must be mentioned here: he protects his mind from porn.
I see it everywhere, porn is becoming widely accepted as something to openly partake in while in a relationship. Watching pornography was once widely scrutinized and considered cheating, now, however, I know of couples who’s love life revolves around pornography. What a shame. Any psychologist will tell you that porn results in unrealistic sexual expectations, lack of fulfillment of needs, and in men, erectile dysfunction.
If a man partakes in pornography, or if it becomes an addiction, he is compromising the protection of your bedroom. He is compromising the promise he make on his wedding day. He is violating your honor. He is not protecting the integrity of your relationship.
7. He Doesn’t Love God
This is the most important indicator of a low quality man. If you have a man who has no respect for a higher power (namely the government, his family, and most of all, Jesus) he will not have a proper respect for you. A man who is a true Follower of Christ is sure to be humble, willingly submitting his life to the will of God. A man is wise in seeking the wisdom of an immense power above himself. If a man honors God, he knows how to love in the example of the unending love of God.
Your man should also seek advice in general. A prideful man is sure to get you into many poor situations simply because he refuses to seek council from people who are more experienced and knowledgeable than he.
There you are: 7 ways to tell if he doesn’t love you. If you are dating a man who does any of these things, it is time to dump him. If you are married to a man who does any of these things, it is time to seek marriage counseling.
Life is too short to get caught in the wrong relationship or to marry the wrong guy. Find a man who is going to love you endlessly!